Sometimes old habits want to sneak in and try to take over again and you never realize it until after it has happened. That is how powerful the survival part of the mind really is and that is not a good thing. What is a good thing is every person has the power to over ride it like a computer and reprogram it to function exactly the way you would like for it to function by simply knowing it can be done.
A lot has taken place in the last couple of weeks or so that has really made an impact on my life and at first it was a real eyeopener for me. It was also a nice high too!
The reality is I spent all of my life thinking and doing things in a manner that was set on auto pilot (By Me) and it was a way of life for me and it was all I knew for so many years. I lived in that world for so long it was the identy I consumed and allowed to happen for so many years. I found it easier to live in that world and feel that way for so many reason and maybe I am the only one who really understands it for it is who I am!
When I wrote into Oprah’s life class I simply wrote in because I was stuck in life and had this black hole inside of me that was filled with a lot of hatred, jealousy, disfuction, disappointments, unjust from the world, everybody was out to get me, nothing was going right, all of my friends had nothing to do with me, they never called or never answered the phone when I called, I felt friendless, hopless, people who I helped turned their backs on me, the money ran out and so did they, my family had no respect for me, my kids were mad because I left (Their Mom) and started seeing someone else, they hated that person and ever person that ever came into my life, I allowed them to walk all over me for I did all of this to them and they deserved to feel the way they wanted too and I was the one at fault in so many ways. My son just reminded me yesterday how my mistakes impacted their lives and how my choices affected them and how I abounded them to fend for themselves. He feels it was my fault he couldn’t got to college and it was my “Greed” that cost them everything in life and all I want to do is be selfish.
Well that was then this is now!
The fact of the matter is I have been sober for almost 10 years and I have been so busy on trying to change my life that I forgot to live life. The majority of my sober years have been spent in my head trying to fix it and fix the past by building a better future. The fact of the matter is I have no control over my kids and how they think and feel. I made my amends to everybody years ago when I did my 4 th step and the problem I see is they still have issues with the past and no matter what I do or say will never change the past, I promised myself I would make living amends to them and that is what I have been trying to do. Their mother still has issues with me and that is not my problem either, she is and always blamed me for stuff no matter what and she was never at fault. I will not tell her story for that is her job not mine but I will say this much it wasn’t all me.
All my life I have had people telling me what I should do and what I shouldn’t do and what I find odd is NO ONE has ever asked me what is it I would like to do!
I bet there are a lot of people out there that have had this same stuff go on in their lives in a general way and the out come is usually no one every ask what it is you would like to do with your life. I had a conversation the other day with a older man and I told him I wanted to do something and he interrupted me like the majority of the people I have had conversation with telling me why he wouldn’t do it or why he doesn’t do it. I didn’t ask him if he wanted to do it I just simply tried to share a dream or goal with him and all of a sudden I was told why he doesn’t do stuff like that! (LOL)
Actually he told me “Black People” don’t do foolish stuff like that and that always gets underneath my skin. I hate it when a person will tell me what “Black People” don’t do like they are the official what black people should do and shouldn’t do reps.
The reason I mention the above statement is simply because there is something about that statement I get and I am tired of hearing people say ignorant stuff like that, those days should be long over and yet it still goes on in our society and community and story’s like that is what keeps people down and limited to what they can do and accomplish in life. No one has the right to say what black people or any other people can and can’t do in life simply because they are scared or have been taught this in their life. We are so influenced by our community and society we don’t even realize it for this same man told me society had no influenc on him and the whole time he was telling me this stroy about what black people don’t do! (LOL)
He was in denial just like I was for so many years. I was in denial about what Steve Dorsey can do in life and what he should be doing in life based on what “HE” wants to do not what someone else thinks I should be doing.
I have always been to my kids plays and I have always tried to be there for my kids when I was not drinking. I tried to teach them to think for themselves and not be influenced by society and I had this same converstation with my son a few weeks ago and he said the same thing as the older gentleman said. My son listens to rap, were’s straight leg jeans, has a ton of shoes and is always on facebook but he says he is not influenced by society…..
I wonder how many more people are in denial to this fact and have blinders on? I suggested to my son he should consider looking into rewireing his brain and he got pissed off at me and gave me an attitude about why I have no issues in life he stated, I laughed and simply said I know you have issues and you have been influenced by a lot of stuff in life for I am the one who raised you as well as your mother and we are both screwed up…lol That really pissed him off but I know it to be true.
After being on Oprah’s life class and spending 4 days in a Tony Robbins event was a eye opener and it made a hugh impact on my life. Up till today it might not seem like it or it may not feel like it but it certainly has been a life changinging experience for me. I realize today I get to design my way of thinking and acting in life, I get out of life what I put into it. I am not here to please others before myself and I don’t need to seek anyone’s approval for what I want to do in life and how I want to do it. I have found my purpose in life for it is what makes me feel alive inside and I enjoy doing it. I learned I can’t change the past no matter what and I don’t have to live in it either.
I can continue to tell the same old story or I can create a new story and surround myself with people who will support me as much as I can support them. I realize I am not perfect and no one else is either. We are all the same and we all have some type of issues in life we must deal with and face in order to grow. People will lie to you and try and cheat you and the government may or may not work it just all depends on who you are talking to and what state they are in at the time you are talking to them.
I realize we have to live our life by our own design created with our own purpose and our own goals. If you want to be happy in life then be happy in life right now at this very moment, it don’t take time or practice to be happy it just takes a smile and the desire to be what it is you want to be. Stop putting time frames on what you want in life. Sure it will take some time to get it but you don’t have to put time frames on your dreams of having it! You want it right now then see yourself having it right now and enjoy having it right now through meditation and dreaming it up. Be excited knowing it is on its way to you because you are doing the footwork to get it. Don’t listen to other people who have no desires in life and don’t want you or support you in having what you want. If you tell some you want something or to do something in life and they tell you why they don’t do it or want it then I would really consider not hanging out with them in life for you see it is a waste of time anyways, a good friend will be happy for you and encourge you and maybe help you get it not tell you why they don’t want to do it. There are plenty of things in life I don’t like or want to do but if a friend tells me that is what they like or want to do it is my job to help them do it not hold them back.
We only get one shot at life and that one shot should be fun and rewarding at the same time. If you want to be rich and famous then be rich and famous. If you want a simple life then have a simply plan and set simply goals. The way you end up in life starts with the way you think in life. Your future is determined by your present thoughts and feeling applied with massive action and purpose. Remember it is your life not theirs!
Dream like tomorrow is going to be the greatest day on earth but live everyday knowing you only have today and therefore today and ever day will be a tomorrow sooner or later….